As she slowly completed the paperwork, she apologized for her shaky handwriting . . .
She had been the caregiver for her husband, who was suffering from dementia, for quite some time. She had finally decided to place her husband in memory care and I was helping her with the paperwork. As she slowly completed it, she apologized for her shaky handwriting. “That’s just what happens when you get old,” she said with a sigh, as she sadly looked down at her hands.
The next time I saw her, about a month later, her demeanor had changed considerably. She moved a little lighter and she smiled broadly as she saw me. “You remember that problem I had with my handwriting?” she asked. “Yes,” I nodded. “It’s all cleared up now,” she said.
The stress and worry that had slowly built up in her from being on guard 24/7 had slowly dissipated over the intervening month. She was able to breathe again. She was able to smile again. And she was able to write clearly again.
As you travel the gray mile as a caregiver, you can best protect the ones you love by first protecting yourself.
Having walked alongside hundreds (if not thousands) of seniors in my career, (as well as my parents, grandparents and in-laws), I’ve learned a bit about this crooked path in aging I’m calling, “the gray mile.” Having been a successful writer and author, I think I’m somewhat uniquely qualified to pass along a few of the lessons that I’ve learned.
The advertising industry would have you believe it’s a smooth easy walk that leads to a glorious golden sunset. For those who are well prepared (or can afford a guide), this can be the case. For those who may have faced challenges in getting to the trailhead before even attempting the journey, the path may not be nearly as smooth or sunny.
I’ve found that most seniors end up walking a path in a more grayish area—one that can be an unmarked switchback between beautiful, glorious days and those of rough, unforgiving terrain in which the pathway isn’t clear at all. In fact, it can be downright frightening.
I hope these pages will serve as a map, a guidebook as it were for your journey on the road ahead. Not as much for the sunny days (I think you can handle those), as for the more challenging ones. I’ve seen the pitfalls. I know the way stations. And I’ve met a few innkeepers in my travels.
Let’s begin this journey together. One day, when my time comes, I may ask you may take my hand to gently guide me.
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The Gray Mile 